Letter to a baby doula

I know you don’t know me and technically… I don’t know you. Except I once WAS you. I once was where you are….eager to jump into birth-work!

Not sure what road brought you to this work or how long you’ve been on it trying to find the place to live out your true calling but… you should turn around. This isn’t it.

I can feel the hope in your heart still and its beautiful! A hope to make a difference, have an impact somehow, make shit better for women. I can sense the fire of passion burning brightly. You finally found something you’re naturally good at, right? This is so gonna be your thing! It isn’t. Go find passion for something else.

Being a doula is not what you think it is anymore. To be honest, I don’t think it ever was.

You will be limited by scopes, policies, contracts, NDA’s, rules and regulations. You will not be taught to stand in your own Power ready to guard human birth in ALL it’s forms. And at all costs.

You will have all intuition trained out of you and replaced with weird legal sounding jargon. Even if right now in this moment you can feel the wisdom of your ancestors whispering guidance…you will soon learn to quiet them down. You will be trained to replace your incredible intuitive way with words like:

“evidence based”

“Ask your care provider”

“check with your medical care provider”

“liability”

You don’t realize it now but you’re enlisting to be on the battleground. I’m not being dramatic either! It is truly a fucking war for a person to give birth in this country in this day and age. Black people are getting KILLED everyday giving birth, pregnant and postpartum. Training will provide you with weapons such as essential oil and a hip squeeze. To face dragons like systemic racism, sexual assault, obstetrical violence and birth trauma.

And, sweet baby doula, here’s the hardest part. This work isn’t really about birthing people, babies, birth or postpartum. To be honest, it hasn’t been for a long time. This has become a business, an industry and a shitshow.

The competition is fierce. The people are fake as fuck. And at the end of the day it’s about how much you can charge for every little thing.

At first, you’ll try to prove me wrong and you’re gonna go out there full of heart, passion and intuition!

Then you see it. The first time a woman in labor looks at you and she can SEE you and her eyes ask “I’m going to be okay right?”

Then you hear it. The way a care provider uses body language and fear to manipulate an adult in the blink of an eye “You don’t want your baby to die right?”

Then you feel it. Your intuition is ringing every alarm. The ancestors are screaming at this point “Something is wrong here! Get out and get her out” but the training is louder. Keep massaging.

Then one day in the future, a client looks at you again with those wild labor eyes that can see into other dimensions. And you can see a hint of betrayal in her tears. You know you’re leading her to slaughter and she knows now. You’re just there to make it as pleasant as possible so she thanks you for that kindness.

And you hope they give you a tip because you ended up making $0.12 an hour. And you missed your kids birthday.

Being a doula is not at all what you think it’s going to be.

I actually recommend you go and do THAT instead!

Go work exactly the way you think you’re going to doula…..you’ve never been closer to the truth.

xoxo,

k